You Might Be a Liberal Read online

  Table of Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Introduction

  1: B. Hussein Obama Versus Osama bin Laden

  YMBAL’s #1

  2: The Religious Left Versus The Religious Right

  YMBAL’s #2

  3: Obama of Roanoke Versus Those “Who Did That”

  YMBAL’s #3

  4: The Law Liberals Always Break

  YMBAL’s #4

  5: Free Market Capitalism Versus Crony Capitalism

  YMBAL’s #5

  6: Public Sector Unions Versus You and Me

  YMBAL’s #6

  7: Margaret Thatcher Versus Ben Bernanke

  YMBAL’s #7

  8: The Good Rich Guy Versus The Evil Rich Guy

  YMBAL’s #8

  9: When a Liberal Tries to Sell Something

  YMBAL’s #9

  10: Lemonade Stands Versus City Hall

  YMBAL’s #10

  11: Does Competition Mean We Have to Keep Score?

  YMBAL’s #11

  12: Obama Care Versus Auto Insurance

  YMBAL’s #12

  13: Chick-fil-A’s ‘Chicago Value’ Pack

  YMBAL’s #13

  14: Untethered to Energy Reality

  YMBAL’s #14

  15: The World’s Most Expensive Fishing License

  YMBAL’s #15

  16: Real Grass Roots Versus Axelrod’s Astroturf

  YMBAL’s #16

  17: Real Unemployment Versus Obama’s Unemployment

  YMBAL’s #17

  18: As Racists Go, We Are Rank Amateurs

  YMBAL’s #18

  19: Fresh Water Sharks and other liberal predators

  YMBAL’s #19

  20: Ye Shall Know Them By Their Fruits

  YMBAL’s #20

  21: Elizabeth Warren’s Sub Prime Lend’em Wompum

  YMBAL’s #21

  22: Mirror Mirror On the Wall

  YMBAL’s #22

  23: Soccer Versus Football

  YMBAL’s #23

  24: Our Mandate Versus Their Mandate

  YMBAL’s #24

  25: Conservative Profits Versus Liberal Prophets

  YMBAL’s #25

  26: Ted Kennedy Versus Judge Robert Bork

  YMBAL’s #26

  27: Pastor Jones Versus The Quaran: To Burn or Not to Burn

  YMBAL’s #27

  28: NASCAR Versus Kwanzaa

  YMBAL’s #28

  29: Sarah Palin Versus the Ivy League

  YMBAL’s #29

  30: Jeremiah Wright, Obama and Black Street Cred

  YMBAL’s #30

  31: Richard Trumka Versus Freedom

  YMBAL’s #31

  32: Sheriff Andy Taylor Versus Andy Griffith

  YMBAL’s #32

  33: Nobody Named Smith Versus Major Nidal Hasan

  YMBAL’s #33

  34: The Pain of Bain? Trying to ‘splain to the Insane

  YMBAL’s #34

  Submit your own YMBAL!

  End Notes

  About the Author

  Copyright © 2012 by C. Edmund Wright All rights reserved.

  First Kindle Edition August, 2012

  Editors Stacia Rogan, Jennings Wright

  Cover art: Guy Smalley

  Cover layout and formatting: Streetlight Graphics

  All rights reserved. This eBook is licensed for the personal enjoyment of the original purchaser only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this eBook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Amazon.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are a work of fiction or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Pastor Bryan: keep the faith, brother.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  This book would not be possible without the predictable immaturity, arrogance and projection of all liberals–not to mention their universal disconnection from reality. So thank you for being you, and please stay home on election day. The country needs that contribution from you. I also owe thanks to Ed G., Bob N., Steve B., Scott K., Riley C., Brian T. and Jimmy C., the small cadre of folks aware of my hidden contributions to the national conversation. Your encouragement has been vital.

  Also thanks to American Thinker Editor-in-Chief Thomas Lifson, who, like all good editors, is a royal pain in the rear end. And he knows I mean that in the nicest possible way. And a special thanks to my best editor and my best friend, my wife Jennings – without you this would not have been completed - nor been worth the effort.

  “Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.”

  —Karl Marx

  “Undeniable Truth of Life Number 24, written by me: “Feminism was established so as to permit unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.”

  —Rush Limbaugh

  INTRODUCTION

  Karl Marx is dead and Rush Limbaugh is not, two developments that cause the worldwide left a great deal of angst. Nonetheless, born over a hundred and fifty years and thousands of miles apart, these two men reached the same conclusion about the role of particular players like say, Roseanne Barr or Barbara Mikulski, in all liberal political movements. The same can be said about people like Richard Dawkins, Richard Trumka, Richard Gere, Al Sharpton, Al Gore, Patty Murray, Patsy Schroeder and the cartoon character ‘Julia.’ We could also add to that list most of our media, entertainers, Congress, as well as President, First Lady and their advisors.

  These people are all liberals regardless of what else they are. Some of them are feminists, some are economic socialists, some union thugs, some nameless faceless bureaucrats, some environmental activists, some well-connected cronies and some may be part of the gay lobby. But it is the liberal cause that is first and foremost for them. All of their rallies look and sound the same because they are all the same people. Reports from Zuccotti Park are that they are similarly fragrant to boot.

  Marx’s words from over 150 years ago attest to this. Known for The Communist Manifesto and other, primarily economic works, Marx’s understanding of disparate groups within the movement, like the feminists and the role of certain women among them, is still totally accurate today. It is true of all the sub groups among the larger liberal universe. Like Marx himself, they are all liberals first. Yet in spite of the fact that liberals are the way they are and have been outnumbered something like 40% to 20% in America for decades, they still manage to win about 50% of all elections. We all know the reasons for this. Liberals dominate the entertainment, educational and information industries, and are thus able to hide who they are and what they want to do while misrepresenting who conservatives are and what we want to do. This works to the extent that about 40% of American voters claiming to be moderate routinely have a hard time picking the liberals out. Or perhaps they struggle with an understanding of their own inner liberal.

  Our job – yours and mine - is to redirect these misunderstandings, and to do so with humor, analogies, stories, and contrasts. This is why you need to get this book for yourself and several more for the liberals and moderates in your universe. Conservatism is based on logical observation of human nature and the application of linear thought as a result. Liberalism is based on emotion. As such, “if/then” linear statements are a great way to demonstrate who liberals are with humor and maybe,
just maybe, identify some hidden liberalism within others who are not necessarily full time liberals.

  To demonstrate, conservatives will say, “If American liberals prevent us from developing any coal, oil, natural gas or nuclear energy for three decades, then Americans will have to pay too much for our own energy.” Which they have, repeatedly, and we do.

  Liberal logic, on the other hand, goes something like, “If you call Barack Obama a socialist, then you must be a racist.” Huh? Exactly. Liberalism as a philosophy is a slavish devotion to one non sequitur after another. “If /Then… you might just be a liberal” statements simply take advantage of this situation.

  I first remember seeing this meme in the 1990’s in a column by the talented Don Feder. He verified to me he did write such a column, but could not locate it. Which is not a problem, since liberals give us new material on a minute-by-minute basis. The problem is that liberals have become so wacky, satirizing them is almost impossible. They are caricatures of themselves. We just have to gently point that out.

  And since conservatives are busy working to support themselves and liberals as well, this book is structured in a way that just a minute or two can arm you for your next encounter with a liberal. With a couple of hours, you can become dangerous. This is obviously not a serious and historic manifesto like Mark Levin’s Ameritopia, but there will be some eyebrow raising moments within the humor.

  It’s formatted in a way that allows you to start at the beginning or simply dig in somewhere in the middle. Please enjoy the one-liners, the contrasting quotes and the sharp commentaries inside. If you do, you’ll be well armed for the liberal in-laws at your next reunion. I promise. If you find yourself in too many of the statements, then uh oh - “you might be a liberal.” (YMBAL)

  Meanwhile, if we missed any liberals, help us identify them on page 339.

  “We are not at war with Islam…we have got to be clear about that. And fortunately the overwhelming majority of Muslims around the world are peace-loving and interested in same things that you and I are interested in: How can I make sure I get a good job? How can I get my kids a good education? How can I be safe? How can I improve my lot in life? They have rejected this violent ideology for the most part overwhelmingly.”

  —Barack Obama

  “We’ve finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don’t want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.”

  —Ann Coulter

  1: B. HUSSEIN OBAMA VERSUS OSAMA BIN LADEN

  If you think Obama had more to do with killing bin Laden than Dick Cheney did…

  Can you even remember those media reports about how Barack Obama wrapped up his re-election by killing Osama bin Laden? Yes, our boy President—turned Jason Bourne—amazed Hillary Clinton and the entire ‘War Room’ by parachuting in with Seal Team Six and kicking down Osama’s door before wrenching his neck bare handed.

  Or something like that.

  Seems like a long time ago, doesn’t it? I am glad I was published at the time as saying that it would never stick.

  Yet it is so predictable of liberals to promptly embrace all that they have hated for eight years in a moment of political convenience. It is also typical to take credit for something someone else did. What do you think “you didn’t build that” was all about? Resentment of folks who actually accomplish something is not isolated to the business world in the liberal mind. It is simply part of who they are.

  Which begs a question on the assumption that Obama got Osama in the first place. Really? Everything that Obama stands for was contravened, pillaged or frankly ignored at every step of the process that eventually led to Seal Team Six getting Osama.

  Nonetheless, the little liberal children were celebrating and taking credit for the death of bin Laden. They were spiking the football all over the place. But let’s refocus for a minute. This was actually a win for the conservative adults. Naturally, the event gave a short-term boost to Obama in the polls. And yet after a few days and weeks of liberal celebration, reality started to sink in for more and more Americans. Reality is never kind to liberals.

  Truth be told about the killing of bin Laden, Obama was merely along for the ride. And likely kicking and screaming at that, as there are credible reports out now indicating that President Jarrett had not allowed Obama to send the Seals in on at least two occasions prior to the fateful day. When you consider what Valerie Jarrett and Barack Obama think about America’s place in the world, this makes perfect sense. The irony of Obama taking credit for the success of the Navy Seals is something a recent book indicates the Seals themselves resent. In No Easy Day, it is reported that Seals worried about their part in perhaps re-electing Obama.

  Thus when I said that killing Osama was really a win for the adults, I was referring to people – who like the Seals – are mature enough to understand that the world is a mean place ruled by the aggressive use of power. Adults know the only way to stop evil from ruling is for the good guys to use more power than the bad guys, and to use it more aggressively. Good guys like Navy Seals. Intellectual children often mistake this grasp of reality by the adults as proof that conservative adults actually like to kill people.

  And by children, I mean the overgrown juveniles who refuse to understand this reality as it is. I mean those with the childish notion that the Muslim world adored us until Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld came to power. I was confident that long before Election Day of 2012, all of this would become evident. It has.

  Because when you drill down, the death of bin Laden had nothing to do with the core beliefs of this President or the entire liberal movement.

  The death of bin Laden had nothing to do with closing Guantanamo Bay. It had nothing to do with the notion of trying Kahlid Sheik Muhummad in New York City. It had nothing to do with avoiding collateral damage at our own soldiers’ peril, and it had nothing to do with Patti Murray’s gushing about bin Laden’s day care centers. Yes, she really did. That’s Murray, D, Washington State.

  We did not kill bin Laden by trying to understand why they hate us so much, and we did not do it by allowing Jamie Gorelick to keep our CIA and FBI and Special Forces from talking to each other.

  We did not do it because we allow gays in the military or because we set lower standards for certain groups so as not to hurt their self-esteem. We did not kill him because we unionized TSA agents, thereby memorializing their right to grope us without fear of losing their union jobs, pensions and healthcare.

  Killing bin Laden was not the result of Teddy Kennedy sanctimoniously railing against Abu Ghraib, nor was it the result of Cindy Sheehan’s hatred of George W. Bush. The protestations by liberals, including John McCain, ,against water boarding and other forms of enhanced interrogation techniques had nothing to do with this either. Quite the opposite.

  Code Pink was not involved, and this strike had nothing to do with Obama’s doctrine of “courageous restraint.” This operation did not involve the UN, and it was not multi-lateral.

  And for sure, the supposed worldwide peace and respect the mere election of Barack Obama was going to bring the United States had nothing to do with it, either. Actually, as I add it up, there is not one single scintilla of liberal thought or policy that had anything to do with the successful operation by Seal Team Six.

  In fact, under Obama’s government shutdown program, Seal Team Six team members would not have been paid. Think about that for a moment. Within months of each other, Obama both took credit for Seal Team Six and used their pay, and other military pay, as a bargaining chip in budget negotiations with House Speaker John Boehner.

  When you get right down to it, the successful taking out of bin Laden is a stunning defeat of everything childish about liberal foreign policy and national defense. That a liberal kid was in the White House when all of this happened reminds us of the cliché of the rich kid who “was born on third base but acts like he hit the triple.” And make no mistake about it, with the repeated mention of the
“I” word in that infamous Sunday night victory address, Obama wants us all to think he virtually pulled the trigger.

  So let’s look at what really happened.

  For starters, we must remember that candidate Obama campaigned against the idea of even killing bin Laden. Now he’s taking credit for masterminding the entire op, and the military hating leftists are ready to call him the return of Patton and to cheer that very fact. A liberal’s moral flexibility is simply amazing.

  But let’s look at some background. What really happened is that the intelligence trail that ultimately culminated in killing Osama started in 2007 at Guantanamo Bay. The first key piece of intelligence was the identification of the couriers who kept bin Laden informed. I guess we’ll never know for sure if water boarding led to this first nugget of information, but you can bet that whatever it was it falls under the very adult notion of “enhanced interrogation” techniques. Maybe they forced these guys to watch Rachel Maddow or listen to Air America.

  Regardless, Obama is the beneficiary of tactics he campaigned against, that were performed at a location he campaigned against and promised to shut down. Think about this liberal reasoning: Shut down Guantanamo but keep Solyndra open.

  The credit properly belongs the adults who put in place these interrogation techniques and who decided they would take place at Gitmo. That would be Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld. Three adults. There is much conservative disappointment in Bush-Cheney, but credit where credit is due.

  Now this intelligence nugget led to a four-year chain of events that ended with what must have been a real life Jason Bourne scene. But the guys who did this, the Joint Special Operations Command, had been operating in the Afghan-Pakistani theatre for ten years prior to the big event. That fateful Sunday night was merely the end result of ten years of hard and dangerous work started by… that’s right, some adults.