You Might Be a Liberal Read online

  And the result is a country where whites and blacks are free to choose their own heroes and heroines. It works. That’s why, currently, the best way for a white author to sell books to a white audience is to get added to a black woman’s book club!

  And nothing government did, nothing that Jeremiah Wright preached, or Professor Gates taught, is relevant here at all. Or if it is relevant, it is only so as a negative force.

  These are whites and blacks pursuing their own life, liberty and happiness through mutual associations. Regardless of what I, or any particular individual, thinks about choosing Tiger or Oprah as a role model, I celebrate the fact that this is freedom in action. Free enterprise. Free markets. Free association. Even a little evil profit motive thrown in.

  So how can President Obama and Mr. Gates and Pastor Wright be so wrong about our country? How is it that they were so stunned by the reaction to Obama’s stupid cop comment?

  Perhaps, in the Ivy League/Beltway/Media elite universe, these liberals are so surrounded by liberal racists of all colors that they are blind to the fact that the rest of us are working it out pretty well without their help. After all, we know it was the very enlightened Democratic Party that was glad to finally have a “clean articulate black guy” like Obama on the ticket. We heard it from a brilliant government employee of some 40 years. I think he picked it up in that diner that had been closed for twenty-nine years.

  We’ve seen scared Republicans like Lindsay Graham pretend Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, that wise Latina woman, is not “race-focused.” We’ve seen erudite and enlightened luminaries like Colin Powell, David Brooks, Christopher Buckley and Peggy Noonan fall under the Obama spell as well, preferring him to a certain white hick governor from Alaska.

  Come to think of it, maybe there IS racism in America after all. I think it can be found among the media elites, the civil rights activists, the magnificent centrist pundits, Ivy League faculties, scared CEO’s, liberals in Congress and moderate Republicans in the areas of Washington and New York.

  Allow me to apologize for our country. As racists, we are rank amateurs. All of us, that is, except for the experts: The race obsessed liberals. They are the professional racists.

  YMBAL’S #18

  If you have ever referred to any of Michael Moore’s films as “documentaries”…

  If Cher’s “Half Breed” could be legitimately be your official Senatorial campaign song…

  If you think of Arnold Schwarzeneggar and John McCain are “reasonable Republicans”…

  If you think it’s patriotic dissent when Democrats disagree with Republicans in power—but insist that it’s partisan bickering when Republicans disagree with Democrats..

  If you think JFK would agree with today’s Democrats more than he would with Ronald Reagan…

  If you think a Congress who admitted to not being able to run their own Senate dining room can now magically take over one sixth of the nation’s economy and manage it well…

  If you think the folks in Congress actually believe that they can manage it well…

  If you’ve ever gone to a concert to fight global warming and cheered celebrities who arrived by private jet and SUV limousines…

  If you routinely believe that the party of lawyers and environmentalists are more likely to pull the economy out of the ditch than the party of business people and entrepreneurs…

  If you have ever made a public pronouncement that “oil is making us sick” and “coal is making us sick” and then flown to a fundraiser in your behalf in Las Vegas…

  If you have ever bragged about Cuba’s medical system and then rushed off to Duke Medical Center to fight your own personal illness…43

  If you think one 32 year old grad student in a Prius is more eco-friendly than a family of 5 WalMart shoppers in a Suburban…

  If you think a 32 year old grad student is more earth friendly than, well, almost anyone else…

  If you shared Chris Matthew’s “tingle up his leg” in 2008…

  If you have cast more votes for American idol than you have for any other function…

  If you think the United Nations has ever solved anything…

  If you think Al Sharpton is a black intellectual but have no idea who Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams are…

  If you think there has ever been a real “family of four trying to live off one minimum wage job” in America…

  If you are a strict vegetarian and yet own cats…

  ...you might be a liberal. (YMBAL)

  “This is part of the playbook against Obama, the ‘otherization,’ he’s not like us. I know it’s a heavy thing, I don’t say it lightly, but this is ‘niggerization’—You are not one of us, you are like the scary black man who we’ve been trained to fear.”

  —Tour`e

  “(They gonna) un-chain Wall Street! They gonna put ya’ll back in chains.”

  —Brother Joe Biden, in black preacher Ebonics cadence, August 2012

  “My great great grandparents were slaves, and now I’m running for President of the United States of America? Is this a great country or what?!”

  —-Herman Cain

  “When every one of your arguments is characterized as an attempt to bring back slavery or to re-segregate lunch counters, it’s a little hard to have any sort of productive debate.”

  —Ann Coulter

  19: FRESH WATER SHARKS AND OTHER LIBERAL PREDATORS

  If you ever have to invent friends so they can join your cause...

  One really irritating liberal modus operandi that demonstrates the intellectual weakness of liberal arguments is the constant reliance on supposed agreement from faux conservatives or liberal Republicans (or dead Republicans) to bolster their cause. It’s as if they know that they are wrong, so they figure if they can point out enough so called conservatives who are also wrong, they can win the argument anyway. This is similar, but not quite the same, as the intentional confusion liberals are attempting by calling Obama Care’s mandate a conservative idea in the first place. We handle that in another chapter.

  This general notion of riding the coattails of phony conservatives is why the New York Times continues to pay David Brooks a salary, for instance. Brooks is their “house conservative,” and they use his near-unanimous agreement with their statist Marxism as proof that smart conservatives really are liberal, or at least they should aspire to be as enlightened as Mr. Brooks. This must be vitally important to the Times, because they are losing money hand over fist and yet continuing to write Mr. Brooks big checks for an occasional column and for appearances on liberal cable shows that no one watches.

  The problem with this theory from the Time’s perspective is that most self-respecting conservatives have no idea who the hell Brooks is, and those that do cannot stand him and think he’s a faux intellectual embarrassment. This is what happens when one proclaims a man a great President based on the sharp crease in his pants, as Brooks did. You tend to suffer a credibility loss.

  This really is what passes for deep thinking in the bubble of Manhattan and/or D.C. Go to Harvard. Get a degree. Get a job you are not qualified for from another Harvard grad who has a job they are not qualified for. Then go around spouting nonsense and getting congratulated by yet more Harvard grads for doing so, who assure you that yes, you must indeed be brilliant because, of course, you went to Harvard. In the meantime, you come off as distinctly unfamiliar with reality to most Americans, who did not go to Harvard but who are totally qualified to hold the jobs they hold and run the businesses they own. These are people who did “build that.”

  No doubt Brooks was so embarrassed at Manhattan cocktail parties during the eight years of Bush as President, with his Texas drawl and his propensity to wear jeans and chop up wood along with parts of the English language, that an Ivy League pant crease was just the ticket he was craving. And the Republican elites say Christine O’Donnell is dumb. If Brooks were to proclaim in his next column that “I am not a witch,” it would be one of the smartest thi
ngs he has ever written.

  Kathleen Parker is another liberal organ’s “house conservative” and she comes with an added bonus. She’s a rare Southerner! Yes, it’s hard to find one of those in the Manhattan/DC bubble, apparently, and good ole Kathleen, from Camden, SC, can give the media elites the “inside scoop” on what Southerners are really like. Liberals are incessantly more concerned with the deep dark dangerous secrets that are on the mind of folks like Southerners and NASCAR fans, gun shop customers and Chick Fil-A executives, than they ever were with what was on the minds of say, young Middle Eastern males taking one-way flying lessons on jumbo jets.

  So not only does the Washington Post and other liberal outlets whore out Ms. Parker as the image of what self respecting conservatives should think, they let her pull a double, as she can speak for what the ‘smart Southerners’ should think. She also can clue in the elites on the inside skinny as to what animates the dumb hick Southerners in the first place. She’s an expert. After all, she has driven right by the Camden Wal-Mart more than once.

  But if all of this doesn’t work to convince conservatives, liberals will just lie about what they really want and about who agrees with them, anyway. Many liberal non-profits and activists groups and bloggers do this on a routine basis. One real life example of this is the PR strategy of the Shark Free (and Shark Friendly) Marina Initiative (SFMI).

  SFMI’s stated goal is to promote a healthy shark population, and this includes support for shark fishing that is done on a catch and release basis. Catch and release is, coincidentally, very similar to liberal thinking on crime fighting also. The main thrust of the SFMI public relations effort is to sign up a large number of marinas who will go on record as either disallowing (the Shark Free designation) or as discouraging (Shark Friendly) fishermen from “landing” sharks in those marinas. In other words, they claim they are ok with shark fishing, as long as you do not harvest the sharks.

  Moreover, they even claim to support catch and release shark tournaments in some of their statements as wonderful educational events. Which, by the way, is almost exactly the position taken publicly by more conservative pro fishing groups like “Big Game Fishing Journal,” almost all fishing tournament organizers, and also most fishermen.

  So what’s the rub? This actually sounds like a chance for some real bipartisanship.

  But no. The rub is that SFMI’s public relations campaign is, frankly, a fiction. It’s a sham in that they are attempting to create the impression that this is what all self-respecting marinas are doing, and that marinas are signing up in droves; and it’s a hoax in that they are hiding their true agenda.

  The scam, as exposed by Big Game Fishing Journal’s editor Len Belcaro, is that many of the so-called Shark Free and Shark Friendly marinas claimed by SFMI are on inland lakes, and some are not on any water at all. They simply repair outboard engines, for example. And yet, SFMI brags about them in a blatant peer pressure public relations campaign.

  In the meantime, SFMI also continues to boast about all their member marinas, without mentioning that some are on the Great Lakes and others are inland in South Carolina. They are proudly listed as Shark Free Marinas. Really? You don’t say? Who knew Plum Branch, South Carolina, just outside Augusta, Georgia, was a shark hotbed? The only shark ever seen anywhere near Plum Branch was golfer Greg Norman.

  Now all of this smoke and mirror razzmatazz is in addition to the standard lying. You know, like simply listing marinas who have never heard of the Shark Free Marina Initiative on the rolls of the SFMI. This was verified by several marina operators to Belcaro and Big Game Fishing Journal. Naturally, this concept is easy for Democrats, who are used to registering voters pretty much the same way.

  Moreover, according to Belcaro, the entire SFMI campaign is really a front for “a lot of very radical groups” who are blatantly anti-fishing and anti-hunting and anti a lot of things that normal adjusted people like to do. And when you peruse their Board of Directors, you find a lot of folks who have done what appears to be, well, “community organizing” with “social justice” organizations. Belcaro says the real goal here is “fisherman free marinas.”

  Which is exactly what you would expect from the folks who want “God-free” churches and “profit-free” businesses and “procreation-free” marriage.

  And if you think that the “fisherman free” notion is overly extreme, consider this: SFMI’s key board members come from places like The American Civil Liberties Union, Greenpeace, Habitat for Humanity, Common Cause, the National Organization for Women, Amnesty International, The Agitator Newspaper, and the United Nations Environment Programme. As you know, any group that includes “United Nations” and “environment” in their name is just a front group for someone wanting to take away Americans’ liberties and money.

  And to top if off, Democrat Party guru Peter Fenn is also on the board. Thanks to the SFMI’s published bio on Fenn, I now also know that he was closely connected with Frank Church, the chief force behind the infamous “Church Committee” reports, which led to the neutering our intelligence agencies in the ’70’s, that ultimately led to us being vulnerable on 9-11-2001.

  Gosh darn, if these people would just stick to neutering feral cats and leave us the hell alone, the world would be a lot better place. And watching their fundraising activities and their advertising, you get the impression that’s what they are all about. But reality tells a different story.

  Listed among SFMI’s main sponsors is the Humane Society, who calls shark tournaments a “cruel practice”—a very different position than the stated position of SFMI of working with shark tournaments. Now, you might think of the Humane Society as that nice fuzzy group that runs the incredibly well produced ads featuring pets ostensibly doomed unless they are rescued. Well, it’s intellectual cross-dressing, a favorite activity of liberals. While 85% of their ad dollar features the cute but sad cats and dogs, less than 1% of their budget goes to local animal shelters to help these very animals.

  And they say conservatives are the ones exploiting animals.

  Another prime sponsor of SFMI is the Pegasus Foundation. This nice little main street group claims that their mission is “animal welfare education in the United States, the Caribbean, Native American lands and Kenya.” Did you catch that? The United States is separate from Native American lands. Can you say reparations? These liberal community organizing groups have more member inbreeding than Ned Beatty ever saw on that river in Deliverance.

  Among the Pegasus Foundation’s animal education tenents is the insistence that animals be referred to as “he or she” and not “it.” Liberals haven’t been this concerned about the gender of sharks since Jimmy Buffet’s “Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right” was released.

  Now, I say all of this about the SMFI simply to point out one simple example of how liberals are always hiding behind faux conservatives and so called conservative stances to keep people from knowing who they really are and what they really want to do. They pretend to share goals with responsible conservative fishermen. They pretend to have conservatives on staff at the New York Times and the Washington Post. They pretend all the time so that they can fool just enough people just often enough on election day to keep power.

  Liberals are liberals first, whatever else they are. Which means they want to control what you think and what you do and what you catch and what you eat. Never ever forget that.

  YMBAL’S #19

  If you frequently use the word “draconian” and have no idea what it means…

  If you cried when the killer whale immediately killed and ate the first seal released into Prince William Sound after the Exxon Valdese spill…

  If you are worried about the shrinkage of the ice cap at the North Pole but are not worried about the growth of the cap at the South Pole…

  If you hate nuclear power but frequently look to French society as a model worth emulating…

  If being pro-union and an environmental activist at the same time seems perfectly intel
lectually consistent…

  If you watched the videos of folks in New Orleans shooting at their would be rescuers and thought ‘if we only had gun control’…

  If you have ever high-fived the person next to you in church after the preacher yelled “God d-mn America”…

  If you relate to metrosexuals but are uncomfortable around cowboys…

  If you were at all surprised by the episode involving John Edwards, Rielle Hunter and their love child…

  If you think that ANWR is actually more scenic than Guantanamo Bay…

  If you think water boarding is torture but that Rachel Maddow is entertaining…

  If you ever lied to a banker about your income and your credit history and then blamed him for lending you $400,000 to buy a home you knew you could never make payments on…