You Might Be a Liberal Read online

  —Sarah Palin

  The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society’ whether they are worthy of healthcare.”

  —Sarah Palin

  13: CHICK-FIL-A’S ‘CHICAGO VALUE’ PACK

  If you didn’t go to the “kiss off “counter protest to see hot chick-on-chick action…

  In what was an obvious attempt to put all conservative political satirists out of business, liberals simply imploded, morally, intellectually and strategically, in late summer 2012 with their outrageous attacks on the fast food chain Chick-fil-A. Rumor has it that the universe of liberal thought was such a target rich environment during this week that the keyboards of Ann Coulter and Mark Steyn caused a power outage in southern Maryland.

  No wait, that was caused by routine government incompetence.

  Back to Chick-fil-A. As you might remember, though subsequent public events overshadowed it, this whole thing started when elected officials in Chicago and Boston used the bureaucratic nuclear bomb of local governments—the denial of permits—to deprive the restaurant chain of free enterprise opportunity and free speech rights.

  After all, what good could a successful clean operation like Chick-fil-A do for a city whose streets are statistically more dangerous for young males than military service in Iraq? Apparently, Chick-fil-A could not live up to “Chicago values,” in the words of Mayor Rahm Emmanuel, who a week earlier had clarified official Chicago values by begging gangsters to shoot each other and not the children. He then proceeded to back the Chicago Alderman who had denied Chick-fil-A the permit. A similar set of events unfolded in greater Boston.

  In case you are wondering, yes, this is just the type of things bureaucrats do in places like Cuba and Russia and elsewhere, in societies without freedom. The irresistible power of government and the reality of human nature is a dangerous combination, which is why our Founders knew the only solution to this was to reduce the power one human had over another, and to decentralize what power was absolutely unavoidable.

  The Founders knew what so many liberals today will not admit and what too many others don’t think about enough. You have to be a bit of a sick individual to really crave power over other individuals by way of government fiat. To want influence because you are successful or have money is one thing. To want power you could not earn but are given merely because of the nameplate on your government cubicle is quite another.

  Those who lust for such power and have gained it flaunted it against Chick-fil-A by refusing them the ability to open restaurants.

  So what crime against community did Chick-fil-A commit to deserve the denial of permits? To recap, CEO, Dan Cathy had the temerity in an interview to make some utterly benign and predictable comments in response to questions about his stance on marriage. Yes, Mr. Cathy said that he believed in the totally weird definition of marriage as a sacred union between one man and one woman. Certainly this was ‘breaking’ news coming from the CEO of a company who has never been open for one second of a Sabbath Day in their corporate existence—a commitment that cost them dearly in their early days and still vexes Ivy League business graduates to this day. Then again, the entire private sector and the concept of individual freedom vexes Ivy graduates.

  And speaking of the Sabbath, they are not too excited about alternative definitions of marriage at Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church (TUCC) either. This could explain why Wright’s most famous disciple, the lord Barack Obama, was as confused as Mr. Cathy was about the proper Chicago definition of marriage until just a few months ago. Apparently ‘Chicago values’ on the definition of marriage is somewhat flexible, and has a lot to do with political expediency and perhaps a pending marriage amendment in a certain North Carolina primary.

  Or it could be a case of a glass half black. What is ok for Obama—and for Minister Louis Farrakahn—is simply not acceptable for the lily white Mr. Cathy and a corporation that goes around polluting the Occupy landscape with restaurants that are as immaculate inside and out as a typical mega-resort that Al Gore would jet into for a lecture on carbon footprints.

  And why bring Farrakahn into this, you ask? That would be because in the same month Chicago dissed Chick-fil-A, Mayor Rahm officially welcomed “Minister Farrakahn” and his “army of men” to the streets of Chicago. Army of men, by the way, was their word, not mine.

  For the record, Minister Farrakahn’s views on gay marriage are similar to that of Mr. Cathy’s, and his views on Jews are somewhat similar of that of a certain Mr. Hitler’s and a Mr. Ahmadinejad’s and also ‘Reverend Jackson’s.” Chicago values, indeed.

  But you see, it’s only Mr. Cathy who is the hater. Yes, nothing says hate quite like having the most polite fast food staff in planetary history and staying married to the same woman one’s entire life.

  And by the way, for those keeping track, no one during this entire incident ever even accused Chick-fil-A corporately of ever having asked, let alone cared, whether their customers were straight or gay. Moreover, there has never been any hiring discrimination alleged. I am sure some fabricated case will emerge now, but none has as of this writing. Now, by saying this, I run the risk of missing another key point: The right of free association. It should be Chick-fil-A’s prerogative to hire and/or serve only a straight clientele just like a gay bar has the right to do the opposite. Our Constitution and Founding principles dictate that this is none of government’s business. The ultimate fair and libertine solution is simply letting the free market decide whether either is good policy for a Chick-fil-A or some nightclub whose name includes the word Sodom. But for the record, Chick-fil-A has never even hinted at any interest in such policies.

  Mr. Cathy runs what is undeniably one of the nicest and most pleasant corporations in America, a corporation that is now a case study in effective positive corporate culture. When he defended traditional marriage, he was simply speaking of his own personal thoughts in this interview. In a sane world, running a successful corporation that hires people and pays taxes and sponsors community events is a good thing. We need more of it. And by the way, you should be able to speak your mind while doing it. I wonder if the thought police will now try and interrupt SEC football, a major beneficiary of Chick-fil-A advertising and promotional dollars.

  And speaking one’s mind, something vaguely mentioned in those outdated parchments we conservatives have a “fetish” for known as the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, is all Cathy was doing. He was not advocating either political nor corporate policy of any kind. And as it turns out, he was not the one to bring up the subject of marriage in the first place. As CEO, his mind is normally on other issues. Obviously, this was an ambush. This is what liberals do quite often. They set up an ambush question to get a totally foreseable response. Then they feign shock and outrage. Then they use the accusations of “racists” or “sexist” or “homophobe” to propel public opinion to get what they want through public pressure.

  So often this works. Far too many paid political consultants or paid PR hacks graduated from the French War College of Courageous Restraint and they convince their clients to capitulate to ‘make this story go away.’ One nauseating example was when the CEO’s of the three major auto companies drove to Washington together in a damned hybrid in response to the feigned outrage over the fact that those companies had corporate jets and—gasp!—actually used them from time to time to get CEO’s from place to place. Just once I would like to see some CEO—and the Ford CEO had his chance, in this case—come out and blatantly tell Congress or the thought police to shove it! I think that CEO would be astounded how people would rally around and buy their products.

  In fact, millions of conservative did not even sit around and wait for Chick-fil-A to capitulate. I have no idea whether the company would have apologized in some feckless way or not. In a “truth is st
ranger than fiction” tragedy, Chick-fil-A’s VP of Public Relations died of a heart attack a couple days after the brouhaha started. Meanwhile, Chick-fil-A stores immediately started getting more crowded and selling more food as the stories from Boston and Chicago gained traction.

  Mike Huckabee, who ironically ran a campaign of convenient capitulation himself for President in 2008, tweeted or Facebooked or somehow got the message out there that Wednesday, August 1, would be “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.” And you know the rest. In a stunning display that laid to rest yet another liberal myth—that the Tea Party is dead—millions and millions of folks poured into restaurants or happily waited in long drive thru lines on that day. This was part love for Chick-fil-A and freedom of speech, and part hatred of those who would both flaunt the power of government to control speech and those who think we want to see their sexuality flaunted.

  And as a side benefit, I am sure the sponsors of the Rush Limbaugh Show and The Wilkow Majority had a great week too. Who do you think those folks were listening too while they were in the drive thru for an hour?

  Meanwhile, three days later the gay and liberal communities threatened to really show Chick-fil-A and all “the haters” who was in charge, with their national “Kiss-off.” Or was it a Kiss-in? The mechanics of gay kissing is so confusing.

  Either way, it was a fantastic flop. From all reports, there were more straight guys in Chick-fil-A that Saturday hoping to catch a glimpse some hot girl on girl action than there were gay couples of either gender. The net result of that week was clear indication that Chick-fil-A, conventional marriage, and conservatism in general, is on the rise and more energized than the forces on the left.

  Yet to prove that yet another thing liberals do is stay in their insulated bubble and remain oblivious to reality, the Pew Research Group issued a Presidential poll, ironically in between appreciation Wednesday and the Kiss Off Saturday, insisting that Obama had opened up a huge eleven point lead on Mitt Romney. Nobody in their right mind believed it, and the internal methodology showed the results to be less scientific than East Anglia’s climate data. In a related story, the same folks are inclined to believe both.

  Of course, no comprehensive liberal tale would be complete without the totally stupid act of self -righteous tone deafness. In Tucson, Arizona Adam Smith—apparently no relation whatsoever to the great economist in any possible way—took it upon himself to wage a one man war on Chick-fil-A because he “just couldn’t stand all the hate.”

  Again, we’ve searched high and low, and the closest thing to hate ever witnessed at a Chick-fil-A is for one large waffle fry to get caught near the top of the little box and prevent a full serving from being delivered. Nonetheless, the intrepid Mr. Smith was not deterred by such a detail. After proudly announcing over the intercom that he was not going to spend any money with such an enterprise, he proceeded to berate the drive thru server saying, “I don’t know how you live with yourself and work here. I don’t understand it. This is a horrible corporation with horrible values. You deserve better.”

  At which time, the despicable server ‘turned the other chick’ and offered Mr. Smith a complimentary cup of water. Damn those haters!

  All in all, the week surrounding Chick-fil-A was an unmitigated disaster for liberals, and for liberalism in general. This was a week where events dictated that pretty much everything liberals believe about the proper use of government power, freedom of speech, the media, the mood of the country, the real definition of hate, and the fate of Obama’s re-election were on display. And they got trounced by conservative views on all of the same issues. They hadn’t had such a bad week in flexing commercial muscle since the boycott of Rush Limbaugh backfired on all the sponsors who over reacted to the Sandra Fluke affair.

  It was such a bad week for liberals that Mayor Bloomberg—fresh off of ordering all New Yorkers to stop drinking sodas bigger than sixteen ounces and mandating that baby formula be hidden in hospitals so that mothers would be forced to breast feed—even managed to come out on the right side of the Chick-fil-A issue.

  When you are to the left of Doomberg, you are way out on a limb, to be sure. And that week, liberal world was really on the zany fringe. And yet, because liberals are liberals, they remain in denial about all of it.

  YMBAL’S #13

  If your marriage registry included an Obama 2012 donation option…

  If you ever missed a rally to pay more taxes because you were huddling with your tax attorneys…

  If you attended Barney Frank’s wedding…

  If you are a member of Congress from Illinois, and you disappear from sight for a month but continue to rack up your congressional pay and bennies…41

  If you consider the Anthony Weiner affair, including the name Weiner, and doubt there is a God or that He has a sense of humor…

  If, as a bureaucrat for the Centers for Disease Control, you think it’s a good idea to publish a Wedding Guide…

  If your response to whether or not a bill is Constitutional is, “Are you serious?”…

  If you’ve ever accused a four year old girl of smuggling a gun onto an airplane…

  If you routinely use the phrase “right wing extremists”…

  If you want electricity bills to “necessarily skyrocket” and are damned proud to say so while sitting in your hybrid…

  If you think the Republican strategy to win elections is to poison the water and the air, and feed old folks dog food…

  If you believed Bill Clinton when he said “but I did not inhale…”

  If you think the four cops who beat Rodney King should be shot but that the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny deserve us not “rushing to judgment”…

  If you call American soldiers baby killers while protesting in favor of allowing doctors to stick a fork into the skull of newborns…

  If you hate corporations but give money to Planned Parenthood Inc…

  If you are more worried about Joe Camel’s threat to children than you are the partial birth abortion movement…

  If you have ever worn a hole in a “Give Peace a Chance” tee shirt…

  If you agree that sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive and domestic violence common, but were sure that Paula Jones was lying about Bill Clinton…

  ...you might be a liberal. (YMBAL)

  “America’s Second Bill of Rights is a broad-based statement of what the American people need and what they deserve. We plan to put new energy behind insisting that the power structure in America pay attention to the needs of the men and women whose labor drives this country… (the) right to full employment and a living wage and the right to a secure and healthy future, (and) the right to a quality education and the right to a voice at work.”

  —Richard Trumka, AFL- CIO President, on the role of government.

  “Man is not free unless government is limited.”

  —Ronald Reagan

  14: UNTETHERED TO ENERGY REALITY

  If you think it’s a good thing that our Energy Secretary does not own a car…

  One thing we can all learn from liberals is that high gas prices have nothing to do with what a President’s energy policies are. Another is that high prices aren’t such a bad thing, after all, as long as a Democrat is in office. It is much like high unemployment in that regard. And above all, in the liberal mind, high gas prices are merely a political issue and have no practical impact.

  In other words, liberals simply refuse to connect the dots. They have no feel for cause and effect. They are so used to excusing the unintended consequences of liberal policies that they live in a world where policy decisions are made simply to appease a certain electorate and raise money, but have no consequences. This is an easy template to have if you live in D.C. or Manhattan and work for some government agency or some well connected crony Wall Street firm.

  Conservatism on the other hand—as an intellectual pursuit rather than an emotional or purely political one—cannot suffer this kind of oblivion. This is becaus
e most conservatives live in the real world, outside the aforementioned D.C./Manhattan government crony bubble.

  To flesh out proof of the lessons liberals attempt to teach us about gas prices, one only needs the ability to type in the words “rising gas prices” into any search engine and have about twenty seconds to spare. Or just think back to the media coverage of gas prices since Obama took office and promptly embraced policies that have doubled that price.

  A good example would be an item in The Hill from August 5th of 2012. The Hill website ran an article headlined “Rising Gas Prices May Haunt Obama,” written by someone named Ben Geman. So let me get this straight. The main issue is that these prices will haunt Obama, you say? Will rising gas prices not haunt truckers and other small businesses? Will rising gas prices not haunt folks who buy groceries? How about those who pay utility bills? In other words, Ben my boy, what about 300 million Americans who will be haunted by rising gas prices in every aspect of their lives?

  In Liberal-Ville, that is not important. Only Obama’s fate—‘the game’—is important to liberals in the media. And while many headlines can be misleading, this one is not. The Hill’s entire piece that was just as focused on Obama’s fate, and just as indifferent to the fate of our economy, as the headline indicates. This particular article is merely an example of thousands that have run since Obama took office—since prices have been rising since Obama came into office. And you know, it’s true, the vast majority of those focus on how these prices affect a couple who have been known to take separate tax payer paid jumbo jets to the same vacation locale and consider the fate of folks like us irrelevant.