Free Novel Read

You Might Be a Liberal Page 6


  To put it simply, Bernanke and the Fed are trying to save the country from Obama’s statist agenda by infusing phony dollars into the economy. To the academically inclined yet reality-challenged Bernanke, the blackboard equation says that if you pump enough money into the economy, the stock market will roar and companies will be motivated into investing in jobs, capital equipment, and other accompaniments of expansion, because their balance sheets are so fat and happy.

  What banker Ben and the rest of the Ivy League elites in our government media complex miss is that outside the bubble that is the Beltway and Manhattan, business owners and entrepreneurs are on strike. They are striking because behind every surface opportunity are dozens of smarmy government bureaucrats and IRS agents ready to snatch away any gains you might make on Main Street. People are hunkering down and hoping this “transforming America” stuff will soon pass. That means they are not hiring and they are not buying capital equipment.

  This is why the administration pouted on numerous occasions that corporate America is not doing their fair share. Translation: business owners have the audacity to not to want to risk and invest everything only to have some minions from the EPA or the NLRB or OSHA come and steal it.

  Meanwhile, consumers don’t have the money to spend because many are out of work, and others fortunate enough to be gainfully employed are out of confidence that they will stay that way. And, of course, the value of their homes and any other real estate they may own has been shredded as a result of government meddling into the mortgage and housing markets. So we have scared workers hanging on by a thread and depressed non-workers who have given up hope by the millions. That’s our consumer base. So how’s that consumer spending working out for you?

  It’s not, unless you happen to have a sushi bar or coffee shop near some government office building, so that a bloated bureaucracy can come and fill your cash register with salary dollars confiscated from living taxpayers and borrowed dollars from unborn taxpayers. Life is good if you are a government bureaucrat, or if you can sell goods or services to them. Or if you are an anointed crony CEO and you produce the “right kind” of goods and services. And if you are in any of these camps, you probably will vote for more of the same and donate to those who support that agenda.

  Put simply, this government dynamic threatens to swallow us all whole.

  People are sensing this, even if they haven’t been able to put their fingers on just what it is that has them so depressed and gloomy about their futures and those of their children. They may think the oil companies are swallowing us or that insurance companies are swallowing us—and we have an administration and sycophantic Jurassic media happy to feed those misguided notions—but the reality is, it is government that is the 800-pound gorilla. Everyone else has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

  It is important to note that this gorilla grows at 8% a year, by the way.

  And that’s the incongruent tug of war going on in our economy. Obama, Reid, and Pelosi have done everything they can to discourage and punish success and hard work and private investment since 2007. And it’s worked. We are discouraged.

  Meanwhile, Bernanke ruins the value of our dollars and the promise of our futures by printing so much money, in hopes we won’t notice what Obama and the other liberals in Congress are doing to reality. As James Grant said, this is an attempt by the central bank to be a central planner by imposing prosperity on us through manipulation.

  But reality has a funny way of not bending permanently to manipulation. Reality is showing through in the fact that we have fewer adults working now than at any time since the early ‘80s. It’s showing up in a stock market that can swing down 500 plus points several times in the same week. It’s showing up in that gnawing feeling we all have that something has gone dreadfully wrong.

  Our gnawing feeling is, of course, justified. Thank you, Mr. Grant, for hitting the nail on the head as to just why this is so.

  YMBAL’S #7

  If you have ever commented about the mysterious Chinese internet black out by texting on your iPhone…

  If you have ever lived at home with your parents into your thirties while advocating abortion up until the time a fetus can support itself outside the womb…

  If you’ve ever gone to an adoption agency with your same sex lover…

  If you’ve ever condemned the Boy Scouts for not having gay scout masters while defending the NAACP…

  If you think Trayvon Martin really is Barack Obama’s son…

  If you thought Obama was going to get you a new kitchen…

  If you missed Mike Tyson saying it was a disgrace that George Zimmerman was not shot yet because you were too busy misquoting a right wing talk show host you’ve never actually listened to…

  If you’ve ever played golf for more hours than you have spent on the economy as President…

  If you’ve ever risked going blind thinking of Sandra Fluke…

  If the biggest problem for you out of Hurricane Katrina was that the post office that delivered your government checks and the liquor store that cashed them was flooded…

  If you agree with Joe Biden that Al Franken is a leading legal scholar…

  If you think Paul Ryan was covering up his inner racism by dating an African American in college and Joe Biden was being enlightened by using his black pastor voice in the “chains” speech…

  If you missed the part of the argument about ‘the Buffet rule’ where he is under investigation for not paying millions in taxes because you were standing in line to extend your unemployment benefits…

  If you hate Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Bill O Reilly and can’t tell them apart…

  If you think that a freeloader is someone who makes his own money and pays his taxes but chooses not to spend his money in the government-approved way…

  If you can’t wait to serve your country on a “gender neutral” aircraft carrier…

  If you think the Michigan urinal cakes that warn about drunk driving are sexually discriminatory…

  ...you might be a liberal. (YMBAL)

  “The American people understand that we’re not going to make progress by going backwards; we `need to go forwards.”

  —Barack Obama

  “We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.”

  —C.S. Lewis

  8: THE GOOD RICH GUY VERSUS THE EVIL RICH GUY

  If you are bothered that Mitt Romney earned millions but have no problem that John Kerry married millions…

  One really annoying trait of almost all liberals is that they look at rich liberals differently than other rich people. Especially rich Republicans. Consider this tale of two tall thin rich guys from Massachusetts. Mitt Romney and John Kerry.

  Mitt Romney’s wealth is a topic of great concern to liberals. They are obsessed with his money. Mitt has overseas bank accounts. Mitt was involved with some companies that went bankrupt. Mitt was involved with some companies that laid folks off. Mitt kept his dog on the top of the car. (Obama ate his, but why quibble?) Mitt, Mitt, Mitt this, that, and the other thing, as if Mitt has had a doggoned thing to do with U.S. economic policy, ever.

  Mitt Romney’s money is simply a big bugaboo for liberals. It is their idee fixe. Frankly, you would think they would like a little offshore banking. I mean, after all, with liberal Al Gore inventing the internet as we all know, why not use it for some online long distance financial transactions?

  And some of that cash is apparently in the Caymans, which should be good for liberals since it can be used in the Caribbean to keep capitalizing resorts for semi-skilled union thug laborers who can now retire at fifty with 90% pay, full bennies and health care.

  But no.

  On “Fox News Sunday” July 8th, 2012, Democratic Party chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz argued “Americans need to ask themselves, why does an American
businessman need a Swiss bank account and secretive investments like that?” (1)

  Well, actually, no Americans don’t need to ask themselves that, and few Americans actually are asking themselves that. But Wasserman-Schultz’s technique here is so typical, as those on the left are always asking irrelevant questions to try and change a subject they are desperately trying to avoid. In this case, that subject was the abject failure of liberalism as applied to America’s economy. The best ditzy Debbie can do is talk about how rich Romney is while reminding folks about how non-rich they are.

  Romney has made his money in the open for years. The question as to why he would invest some of it overseas is not an important question, except to find out what liberals have done to America that might make keeping your money here a bad idea in the first place. I think a much more salient question is, why would a New Orleans Democrat member of the House happen to have $99,000 cash money in his freezer with no reasonable explanation of how he ‘earned’ it? Or how has life long government employee Harry Reid accumulated a fortune worth many millions? Or perhaps Michelle Obama might actually tell us what the hell she did at her “no show” $300,000 a year hospital PR job, besides be the wife of the Senator who arranged a few million tax payer bucks for that same hospital. Coincidentally, of course.

  Another good question would be, were the teachers who gave Wasserman-Schultz a diploma actually paid?

  And then there’s Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley, who, on the same day on ‘This Week,’ opined, “I’ve never known of a Swiss bank account to build an American bridge, a Swiss bank account to create American jobs, or a Swiss bank account to rebuild the levies to protect the people of New Orleans.” (2)

  Well, great Governor. Actually, I’ve never known of an individual American’s bank account to do any of that either. And since you brought up the levies in New Orleans, I would remind you of their failure during a Cat 3 storm. Yes, Katrina was down to a Category 3 when it made landfall, clearly demonstrating that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and Halliburton had lost some of the evil powers they were counting on to destroy the black community as they steered the storm to the Democrat wards of New Orleans.

  The point is, these levees were supposed to be just fine in a Category 3 situation. They failed. Now, as for why the building of the levees was sub par, I refer you to Congressman Jefferson’s freezer as a decent place to start. All of this to say that liberals are always extremely suspicious of Republicans who pursue wealth in the private sector and achieve it, while having no curiosity whatsoever when Democrats pursue ‘public service’ and yet end up wealthy themselves.

  Of course, these same liberals have no problem with John Kerry’s wealth, either. They have no problem with the fact that Kerry’s money came from marrying a rich widow, then kicking her to the curb to marry an even richer widow. The widow of a wealthy Republican Senator, no less, who died tragically in a plane crash.

  And if all that Heinz 57 and Ketchup fortune is not enough, Kerry has also been on the government dole for many years, and will have all of that taxpayer funded retirement and healthcare. You see, liberals only hate rich guys if those rich guys actually earned that money in the free market. If they inherit it like Kerry or, say, the Kennedys, it’s fine and dandy.

  And if they make it off crony schemes based on government connections—like David Axelrod or Van Jones or the folks at Solyndra— that’s fine, too. Just don’t actually earn it in business! Doing so proves that you are greedy, racist, sexist, homophobic and no doubt unreliable at recycling.

  Now, before Kerry inherited John Heinz’ ketchup fortune, Senator Heinz was a bad rich guy. That money he had was evil, and so was he. He was a Republican Senator, after all! Yet, when that very same fortune went to John Kerry and the newly minted liberal Teresa Heinz-Kerry, that same fortune is suddenly ideologically laundered into a wind driven snow force for good. And let’s not forget, to help protect that stack of cash, John Kerry snuck his 7 million dollar yacht from New Zealand where it was built into Rhode Island, instead of Massachusetts. Why? Had he docked it in his actual home state, he would have faced a tax bill of about half a million bucks. In Rhody? Zip, zero, nada.

  And by the way, where was the outrage that Kerry had his yacht built in New Zealand? Don’t we call that ‘outsourcing.’ Not a single liberal was upset that Kerry outsourced the building of his multi-million dollar toy, paid for with excess income from a trust funded by a Republican company. But God forbid that any company that Bain Capital ever invested a penny into ever outsourced so much as a single ink cartridge to offer a better price to their customers.

  The lesson is clear. It is fine to be rich, as long as you inherited it or earned it through highly place government connections, or perhaps even stole it. It is fine if you protected that fortune by allowing the government to pick up the tab for much of your travel or health care or retirement. It is fine if you protected it by purchasing foreign products or avoiding luxury taxes, as long as you are a Democrat.

  But if you actually earned it by dealing with willing customers and investors and partners, you are the devil incarnate. And if you have an R by your name, all the more so.

  YMBAL’S #8

  If you think that business freeloads off the government instead of the government free loading off businesses…

  If your idea of “we’re in this together” includes the IRS as the thing that keeps us in this together…

  If you think that since Steve Jobs drove to work on public roads it means that the California DMV bureaucrats practically built Apple and deserve the credit…

  If you tweeted support for Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on soda while driving your Prius to a pro-choice Rally…

  If your defense of banning thirty two ounce sodas is that you still have the freedom to order two sixteen ounce sodas…21

  If you applaud mediocrity and failure as hard working but think of successful businesses as the lucky enemy…

  If any of your mentors have ever been called before Congress related to their Communist activities…

  If you feel that Obama being called a socialist makes all of us racists…

  If you think Bush and Cheney should be charged for war crimes but support Obama while he keeps every single Bush Cheney policy in place…

  If you still think it’s George Bush who doesn’t care about black people after Barack Obama doubled black unemployment…22

  If your favorite college course used The Sexual Politics of Meat as the text book…

  If you really think that GM, which sells the Volt at a loss of tens of thousands of dollars to the tax payer for each one sold, is actually profitable and has actually paid the taxpayers back…

  If you were the judge who issued a restraining order for homeowners after the squatters illegally staying in their home requested one…23

  If you don’t think corporations are people but insist on blaming Mitt Romney personally for what went on at Bain Capital Corporation…

  If you think transparency in government means private citizens have to turn over information to the media and the government and not that government should be forthcoming to citizens…

  If you watch the “Chevy Runs Deep” ad campaign and don’t think ‘debt’…

  If you hate corporations but shop with small businesses that are LLC’s…

  ...you might be a liberal. (YMBAL)

  “Simply put, it will take a balanced approach, shared sacrifice, and a willingness to make unpopular choices on all our parts.”

  —Barack Obama

  “It only stands to reason that where there’s sacrifice, there’s someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there’s service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.”

  —Ayn Rand

  9: WHEN A LIBERAL TRIES TO SELL SOMETHING

  If you have a hard time selling America with a straight face…

  “You can have everything in li
fe you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”—Motivational and Sales Guru Zig Ziglar

  There is a reason the world of selling and sales motivation is dominated by conservatives. Buying and selling is one of the ultimate acts of freedom in a society that understands the value of property and property rights. Liberals, not enthralled with property rights to begin with, struggle in this area.